“The Fog Is Real”

Navigating Life’s Hazy Moments with Humor, Grace and a Little Help from Dad

I can still picture it. Me as a little girl, squinting into the grey mist outside as my dad grinned and announced, “It’s ‘froggy’ out!” That was his go-to fog joke, and he cracked it every time without fail. It’s just one of those quirky father-daughter moments that’s stuck with me. But fast-forward 40-some years and it’s a wonder I can recall that, considering I’m hard-pressed to remember what I had for breakfast this morning!

The struggle is seriously real. Over the past couple of years, I’ve started noticing all those “classic” aging brain blips—walking into a room and immediately forgetting what I went in there for or leaving the store without the one thing I actually needed. My late husband Matt never missed an opportunity to tease me during these moments (particularly when I frequently misplaced my phone). Nevertheless, I insisted that these things happen to everyone. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

But lately it’s gotten a little out of hand. In the past few days alone, I brought home the wrong item from Trader Joe’s (that I specifically drove there for), sent my Target pick-up order to a location on the other side of town and realized deep into a five-hour road trip that I had left my purse at home. Awesome.

When Memory Hops Away. . .

Not only are these occurrences making me feel like I’m losing my marbles, but they are also just plain annoying. Sure, I could chalk these things up to aging, perimenopause, not getting enough rest, spreading myself too thin, etc. Since the magnitude and frequency of these episodes has intensified since Matt died, they could also be attributed to “grief fog”—the mental haze that can happen days or even years after losing a loved one, where you can’t focus, can’t remember and feel like your brain’s stuck in low gear.

Regardless of the cause, I’m realizing—after being reminded by multiple friends—that I need to give myself a little grace. Amid the significant losses my family has endured over the past few years, life hasn’t exactly slowed down. It’s second nature for me to just keep trucking along, even when my brain and body are surely encouraging me to take a time-out.

Perhaps it’s time I listen. Not to say that I never take a break, but when life is happening at full speed around me and I’m feeling overwhelmed, I should probably stop and take a breather. Literally. I’ve often told my kids to “take a deep breath” when they have too much on their plate and need a moment to chill. It’s high time I heed my own advice.

So yes, the fog is real. And sometimes, it’s thick enough that you can lose your phone, your purse or even the thread of your own thoughts. Despite my recent moments of “frogginess,” my dad’s joke came full circle on the weekend when he hopped in (pun fully intended) and texted me a photo of my driver’s license so I could continue on after forgetting my purse. Thanks for saving the day, dad!

It’s one more reminder that we all need a little rescue now and then, and it’s okay to pause, breathe and offer ourselves the grace we’d so easily give someone else. Turns out, even in the fog, there’s always a way to find your way back—or at the very least, to laugh about it on the other side.